


Before the Branches

by steadyasthestars



Series: Branches [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Gen, Please Be careful, Rape, Schizophrenia, Suicidal actions, Triggers, Violence, anger issues, attempted suicide, suicidal thought
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-14
Packaged: 2018-01-07 14:33:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1120982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steadyasthestars/pseuds/steadyasthestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The moments leading up to the boys arrival to Roseview. This is before the branches broke.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Harry

**Author's Note:**

> This is a companion to Where Branches Break The Sun. Definitely read that one first.

Harry

“I am the space between my thighs, daylight shining through. ”

-Wintergirls

 

 

3\. 1,2,3. Three. Three days, 0 stones. I've lost nothing, yet I've lost everything. I wear this giant sweater because it's not enough. Nothing is. I walk into the room and everyone gives me looks. But not like Gemma. They look at me like I am nothing. But I am so much. My mom begs me to get up. Get dressed. Do something. But I can't. We were going to a ceremony for Gemma. She won some award for her grades. She was so well rounded and I was just, well, round. I walked into the bathroom and pushed fist under my ribcage. I didn't need to stick them down my throat anymore, at least I was good at that. I threw up bile and air. I pushed myself up and looked into the toilet. It was clear, but there was plenty of red. Blood. I flushed and stumbled out into the hallway. The pictures told a story that in which I couldn't seem to find my place. The story of achievements that I couldn't call my own. A family that didn't need me. The walls were tilting and things were light and fuzzy. Everywhere I looked, there was a Tyndall effect. It was beautiful. My eyelids fluttered like butterflies through the trees. As I fell I heard hushed whispers and feet rushing towards me. Maybe I was transforming into the light and I would finally be perfect.

 

Nothing ever actually works out for me.

 

I woke up with a nasty headache. Things were too light. Except for me.

“Harry! Oh my God!” My mom said as I opened my eyes.

The sun was streaming in through a window over the bed. It highlighted my legs in the sheets, casting shadows of barren trees into the room.

“Mum, what are you doing here? Gemma's award-” I began.

“Gemma's award ceremony was two days ago, Harry.”

“You didn't miss it, did you?” I asked and she sighed.

“Oh, man. I can't believe I messed this up. This was Gemma's big moment!” I said and ran my hands through my hair. “Is she mad at me?”

My mum looked at me.

“Harry, Gemma is fine. But you are not. Why are you doing this to yourself?” She asked.

“Mum, I'm fine.”

“Harry, you are in a hospital bed. Your heart stopped twice! You are not fine! How could you be so reckless! Gemma would never do something so stupid!” She yelled and began to cry.

“Don't cry, Mum.” I said. “I-I- I- can be better for you. I'm working on that.”

“You don't get it, Harry!” She said and I sat there unsure of what to do. “You could have died!”

“Mum, I would never do that to you and Gemma.” I said.

“You aren't doing this to us, Harry, you're doing it to yourself.” I stayed quiet for a while and she shook her head and walked into the hallway.

I could see the trees swaying in the breeze and I hoped for something. Maybe for the tree to fall in on me or maybe that the breeze would somehow blow through the window and carry me away.

 

Like I said, Nothing ever actually works out for me.

 


	2. Louis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second Chapter! I hope you guys like it!

Louis

“Oh, and I certainly don't suffer from schizophrenia. I quite enjoy it. And so do I.”

Emilie Autumn

 

They told me that the pills would help, but they only made things worse. They made me hollow and dead. If I wanted to die, I would have done it already. I wanted to be alive. I wanted to hear and feel everything that was out there. I wanted to learn the secrets of the wind, the strife of the ant, the sorrow of the birds, the joy within me. I was God. I was everything, all powerful. I walked through the kitchen. There used to be a glass door that led outside. I ran through it. They told me too. They knew best. They wanted me to prove that I was invincible. I am.

Things were too quiet in the house. I didn't like it.

_'They talk'_

_'Hurt you'_

_'wrong'_

_'take you away'_

_'don't go'_

I heard and I stilled.

“Louis, Louis dear.” My mum called. I looked over to her as she stood by the door. She rubbed her hands together. Nervously. Nervously. They began to scream.

_'Hurt you!'_

_'Don't le-'_

_Don't let them'_

_'Fight'_

_'Fight'_

_'FIGHT'_

_'They don't understand'_

“Louis, do you think you could come into the living room please.” She spoke and I took a step back.

“Why? What do you want, why?” I asked.

“Louis, calm down, please.”

“DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” I screamed and my mum jumped. Lottie ran into the kitchen.

“What's going on?”She asked and I grabbed her by her hair.

“Lottie!” My mom cried out. I reached behind me for the knife and held it to her throat.

“Mum!” Lottie screamed out.

“Louis, please don't do this.” My mom begged.

_'Do it.'_

_'Show her-'_

_'kill'_

_'hurt you'_

_'show-'_

_'fight'_

_'show her'_

I could hear Lottie crying and I shushed her.

“Shush shush shush.” I said and stroked her face with my thumb. The twins and Fizzy walked into the room and my mom pulled them back behind her. She bent down to Fizzy and whispered in her ear.

“No whispering.” I said through my teeth. “No secrets, people are always trying to keep things from me!” I said tightening my grip on Lottie. She screamed out and my mom yelped.

“Please, Lou! Please.” She begged. “Fizzy, take Phoebe and Daisy into the living room please.”

She looked at me and I nodded.

They walked into the living room and I stared at my mum.

“Mum, what's the matter?” I asked.

“What happened? What happened to you, Lou?” She asked.

“I got better.” I whispered.

“Please, Lou. Just let her go.”

“No. What are you going to do to me?” I asked.

“Nothi-” She was cut off by a loud banging.

“What was that?” I asked.

“Nothing, Lou-”

“DON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME!” I screamed at her. There was a sound of pounding feet before three people ran into the kitchen.

_'I told you'_

_'hurt'_

_'not safe'_

_'you'_

_'fight'_

“Louis, let her go.” They said softly. They knew my name. They knew everything. I held Lottie close and I could feel her gulp underneath the blade. She whined.

“No, Why would you do this to me, Mum. You said you loved me, You said you would keep me safe!” I cried.

“Louis, I'm trying to keep you safe. You almost killed yourself running through the glass last week. I don't want you to hurt yourself, or anyone else.”

“You are such a lying bitch. They warned me. You could never be trusted!” I yelled.

“Louis, please calm down. No one wants to hurt you. We want to help.”

“You don't understand. You just want to take it away. You want to get my secrets! You will see, you all will see!” I said and I pressed the blade into Lottie's throat.

“Sorry, you have to be the sacrifice. Blood of a precious lamb.” I said. Lottie screamed and I was knocked over by one of the men. I had only managed a shallow cut on Lottie. My hand was cut open from the knife and I was restrained. I felt a prick in my arms and back. My mom and another man tended to Lottie. Fizzy and the twins gathered at the door. I laughed as I drifted off into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think! Leave a Kudos, maybe?


	3. Liam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He'res an update. Liam's chapter! I hope you like it!

 Liam

“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.”

-Maya Angelou

 

 

There was no room for weakness. We had to be strong. So tough. I was the only boy and I was meant to be strong. To take care of my sisters. But I wasn't. I was weak. I was sick. So fucking expensive. I was unacceptable. My dad hated it. I was too stupid, too weak. An easy target. I was bullied. But he didn't care. He thought I should have been stronger. Fight, you faggot. Fight. Get up Liam! Get the fuck up! Why are you crying? Take it like a man!

One day, I wised up. I was done taking their shit. I broke a kids jaw and dislocated his shoulder when I was thirteen. He cried and for a second, I was strong.

It was easier after that. I could finally be in control. Except, I never really was. This rage it took over me, and I could not see. I couldn't feel anything except the flesh on my knuckles tearing away on the bones of others.

“Did you finally lose a fight, Payne?” A kid asked me as I walked into the room. Some idiot named Max or something. I didn't say anything and he laughed.

“Not so tough, are we now, Payno?” I turned toward him. The bruise on my eye was still fresh. It shone bright like all of my insecurities. I was worthless. Last night had been bad.

“ _Where the fuck have you been?” My dad asked as I quietly shut the front door. It was 12:02. Past my curfew._

“ _Nowhere, sir.” I replied keeping my head down._

“ _You were obviously somewhere. Where were you, Liam?” He asked._

“ _With a friend.” I said._

“ _You? Friends? Come on, Liam. You'll have to do better than that.” He said and took a step toward me. I stepped back toward the door._

“ _I was with Andy.” I muttered._

“ _Andy. That queer. Are you fucking him, Liam?” He asked and all of my muscles tightened._

“ _fucking answer me!”_

“ _N-no, Sir” I stuttered out._

“ _Don't fucking lie to me Liam. You're a faggot, aren't you? Aren't you! You're fucking worthless!” He said and raised his arm. I flinched back into the door._

“ _Such a fucking fag!” He said and punched me. He knocked my head into the hard surface of the door._

“Shut the fuck up, Max.” I said and he scoffed.

“Oooh, Sore spot. What's the matter? Did Daddy do this?” He asked mockingly. My fist clenched and I began to see red. I lunged forward and I could hear screams, but I couldn't see anything at all.

After a while it seemed as if a film had been lifted from my eyes. I looked at my fists. They were bright red from blood, I wasn't sure who it belonged to. The room was in shambles and I was standing over a bloodied heap. My classmates were all cowering in a corner. The door was flung open and I stared up at it. There were officers at the door with their hands on their holster.

“Do not move!” They shouted at me.

“What happened?” I asked and they stepped toward me.

A girl threw herself over Max.

“You've killed him!” She screeched at me and I took a step back.

“I said do not move!” They screamed at me. I looked around the room at all of the startled faces. I took a deep breath.

“I didn't- I didn't- What happened? Someone please tell me what happened!” I pleaded to the room. One of the officers gripped my hands behind my back.

“Please, What happened? I didn't do anything! Please, What happened!” I screeched. I tried to pull away and they held me tight. There were a few people crying as I was dragged from the room. My eyes kept falling to Max's body lying in the middle of the floor. It was burned into my brain.


	4. Niall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This contains non/con, be careful!

Niall

“If you were looking to burst into flames, now would be the time”

-Joseph Kerschbaum

 

I sat with my family in our backyard. We were sitting around by the fire, enjoying a night together. I stood and headed into the kitchen. I didn't say anything to my family. I didn't really talk much anymore. No one said anything about it. They just thought that this was a product of puberty, the want to be closed off and never having any display of affection. They were wrong.

I stood at the sink rinsing a cup.

“Hey, there, Niall.” A voice drawled behind me. Him. I felt a body push me against the counter. Fingers played with the hair at the nape of my neck.

“Ye know, we could slip away for a few. I don't think anyone would notice. I know ye want to. Ye've been a proper tease all night.” He whispered into my ear and I shivered. He grabbed my forearms and pulled me into the cupboard, which was straight off of the kitchen.

“Ye had to know what you were doing t' me. Look at ya.” He panted as he rubbed his body against mine. I stayed as still as possible. He kissed down my chest and dropped to his knees. He worked at my pants and they dropped to the ground. I closed my eyes as I felt his lips around me. I leaned forward gripping at the wall. I didn't want this. I didn't want this. Somehow my body was saying otherwise.

His hands massaged at my thighs.

“Ugnn.” I groaned out, trying to repress all sounds. I didn't want this. My body felt too hot and I was nauseous. My knees began to shake and my knuckles were so white. Pressure began to build in my stomach.

“Nonononononononononononononononononononononononono.” I chanted out under my breath. I threw my head back and with a choked sob I came. He pulled off me with an obscene pop that made my stomach turn. He stood up and wiped the corner of his mouth.

“Wow, I'm impressed. I'll be staying over tonight, so ya can repay me like the little cockslut you are.” He said and pressed his lips to mine. His tongue pressed through my lips and I could taste myself. He left the room and I fell to the floor. I wasn't gay. I didn't want this. I didn't want him, but I came, so what did that mean?

I finally stood and headed back to the backyard. My brother was sitting with Him and they were laughing. My mom sat in my dad's lap and they were cuddled up laughing at something he said. I pushed the door open and stepped outside. I walked forward slowly. I didn't want this. It was like I was in a trance. I wanted to be pure. I wanted Him to be gone. His fingertips, his scent, it lingered all over me constantly. His voice whispered reminders in my head. He was always there. I kept walking forward, almost with purpose.

“Niall, honey-” My mom began. I barely heard her. She sounded so far away, like an ant. So small. I kept walking forward, putting one foot in front of the other.

“What are you-” I could almost feel it. It warmed my skin. I hadn't felt anything but cold in so long. I was drawn to it. I needed to be closer. I needed this to be gone. I spread my arms out beside me, palms facing the light. 

“Oh my God!”

“Niall, no!” My body was thrown sideways just as the flame wrapped around my wrists, licking at the fingerprints He had left there.

“His arms! Get the fire out! Call someone!” My mom screeched as they beat at my arms.

“Are you crazy?” Greg had asked from above me. I stared past him. It was still there, curled around my throat. It wouldn't let me speak. I had been so close. Maybe I should have gone in head first, burn his scent that was buried in my neck and kept the words in. They kept me pinned as my mom sprayed a hose over the fire. I shut down and stared on at what used to be the fire. Ashes floated away in the breeze taking my words with them.


	5. Zayn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Chapter! Whoo! Sorry for the wait! Triggers, be careful.

Zayn

“Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?” 

-Albert Camus

 

It's there everyday. It never stops for me. It started when I was about thirteen I just wanted to be cool. Hang out with the older kids and let the smoke burn through my lungs. I wanted this deep caving feeling in my chest to go away. I don't know where the ache came from, it was just there. A shadow that has been looming around since I could remember. It grew over time. I was just looking for escape. Always escape.

 

The cuts had been getting deeper and deeper. It was no longer about releasing the pain. It was about releasing myself. They littered my wrists and I wore them almost proudly. But in the same way, they were a disappointment. I was still here and I couldn't just end it. I was a fucking coward. My mom got mad at me a lot. She thought I was wasting my life. What life? I’d ask. Because if she wanted to see wasting life, I could show her. She thought I was being dramatic. 

 

Chasing this high was like chasing a cloud. It always seemed to slip through my fingers, leaving them ice cold. I just wanted to get away from it. It soon got to the point where the drugs weren't enough. The high I was chasing seemed to get even higher, and my lows, well, they were six feet under.

 

I thought about it. I thought about it a lot. When I was strung out and could barely lift my head, I thought about it. When I didn't want to get out of bed because the pain in my chest was too much, when I would ache and shiver because I didn't have enough, I never had enough. I thought about it.

 

I sat up in my bed. I ditched school. Again. What was that? Day thirty-seven? I was shivering again. No fix. I stared up at the ceiling. How long could I keep up with this. I hadn't slept last night. There were no stars in the sky. Nothing to hope for. 

 

Gun. My mom kept one under her bed. Had to fend for herself since my dad was gone and her son was a drug addict that would do anything for drugs.

 

Rope. Walihya's jump rope, but how fucked up would that be for her?

 

Knife. The cuts have been deep lately, yet I'm still here.

 

Water. I've always hated water. Can't really swim either. Where, the bathtub? Doubt it.

 

Carbon Monoxide. Don't own a car and I don't want to kill the rest of my family when they get here.

 

Pills. There were plenty of those around here. I would know.

 

I got up and shuffled to the bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet and stared in. I grabbed every pill I could find. I spread them out on the counter.

 

This is your last chance, you take the blue or the red pill.

The one that mother gives you doesn't do anything at all.

A tablet a day and I was infinite.

 

I took them all.

 

They were all gone. And soon, I would be too. I stepped from the bathroom and waited for it to set in.

 

I walked around in circles. It felt like it was taking forever. What the hell was this anyway! I've taken two Tylenol's and it's reacted faster than this.

 

I felt it. The drowsiness has set in. My eyelids were getting heavier, and everything was blurred and slowed down, like bad video effects. I shook my head and wiped a hand over my face. My shoulder hit the wall and it was getting harder to stand. I fell just as I made it to my door. I landed on my stomach. Nausea. My stomach rolled trying to rid itself of the poison. I turned my head to the side as I threw up.

 

“Zayn! What is this a call I get about you not bei- Oh my God!” My mother screamed. Shit! This was supposed to be done by the time she got here. Painless and all that.

 

She rushed to me and flipped me over. My body began to shake uncontrollably. Not like withdrawal though. Something much bigger. It sent electricity through my bones and copper to my tongue.

 

“No! Come on, Zayn. Stay with me, baby.” She said as she put the strap of her bag in my mouth. She put her hand on my shoulders, attempting to keep my still. My eyes began to roll back and things were getting hazy.

 

“Zaynie, please!” She begged. My eye closed and I heard the vague sound of her whispering.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was good. Thank you for all of you who took the time to read this! P.S. The three lines about pills "This is your last chance"... etc. Those are from The Matrix (Although it was slightly altered), Go ask Alice by Jefferson Airplane, and Limitless. (I hope that all made sense)!

**Author's Note:**

> So, what did you think? I hope I didn't make Anne sound like a bitch... Let me know what you thought, more to come!


End file.
